Potholes on the Parent Path
It is a sad situation when children are brought into the world by people who aren’t ready to be parents. I’ve seen many young girls end up pregnant only to drop their child into the laps of their parents or other relatives and then go on their merry way, carefree as if they are still children, which in many cases they are. These child-parents are often not ready nor willing to take on the responsibility of caring for the life they so thoughtlessly created. They want to go out with their friends and boyfriends so they just take for granted that their parents will babysit while they go party. And of course, you don’t have to pay grandparents to babysit. Grandparents love to watch the little ones. After all, isn’t that what they’re supposed to do?
In most cases the grandparents assume the responsibility for the care of their grandchildren which enables the parents to go on living as if nothing ever happened. The grandparents love their grandchildren and feel that someone has to take care of them. They feel not only love for the little ones but also obligation. This is understandable but what the grandparents may not realize is that if the parents of these children are not going to be willing to face up to their responsibility as long as their parents are going to do it for them.
Some of these young mothers don’t have jobs and some of the ones who do, certainly don’t want to waste their hard earned money on paying babysitters when they have unsuspecting relatives who feel guilty if they say no. What these people need to understand is that they are not saying no to the child but to the parents who’s responsibility it is to raise the child they conceived and brought into this world. Often the reasons given for needing a grandparent or relative to babysit are pitiful at best. I’ve heard the usual such as “I need to go to the store,” and I’ve heard some gems like “I have to cook dinner,” or I need to clean the house.” Have I stepped into another dimension? Come on, now. Get real! I never had such luxuries as shipping the kids off while I ran the vacuum cleaner or prepared a meal. Strangely enough, I recall going to the store with my kids in tow, all four of them. I know times have changed and this is the 21st century but don’t parents still parent?
I used to take pride in the appearance of my children. I always fixed my little girl’s hair and did my best to keep my boys clean. It really bothers me when I see young children running around in grimy clothes, no socks and no jacket on a rainy, cold day and the parents don’t even seem to care that the kids are coughing and their noses are constantly runny. And some times the parents aren’t even anywhere to be found. The other day, my son and I were in the car on the way to the store when two little children came running across the sidewalk. I held my breath fearing that these two little ones were going to run into the road. They couldn’t have been any older than three and five. I looked around for a parent, babysitter or some adult to be watching them but did not see an adult in sight.
In this day and age, there really is no need for those who don’t want to be parents to bear children. I’ve even seen one young woman end her unplanned pregnancy with abortion only to become pregnant again six months later. This is a clear example of simple irresponsibility. I know of another young woman who has had three abortions by the age of eighteen. She speaks lightheartedly of her past decisions with her view of abortion being nothing more than a ‘cure’ for pregnancy. I find the whole matter repugnant to say the least.
Pregnancy and parenthood are too often regarded with a nonchalant attitude. There are times when people have children for all the wrong reasons. For instance, couples who have a child with the intent to make a relationship work often find that it doesn’t. There are some young people who prove themselves quite responsible and make excellent parents but unfortunately this is not always the case. The amount of grandparents raising their children’s children seems to be steadily increasing. As I stated before, grandparents often feel obligated to their children and grandchildren. After all, someone has to take care of the baby but by assuming the parental role, the grandparents allow their grown children free reign in a field of irresponsibility.
The biggest misfortune that results from lack of parental maturity is that the children suffer. They are often shuffled around between households and family members. When this becomes long term there is a definite lack of stability that occurs in the lives of the children. I honestly know some children who spend more time in the car as their parents pick them up and drop them off than they do in the home. The point is that people should plan their families rather than deciding they don’t want children after they’ve already had them. All too often the situation boils down to wanting kids but not wanting to raise them. Along with the cute, cuddly newborn also comes dirty, smelly diapers, sleepless nights and a host of other responsibilities. Abortion is not a cure for pregnancy and dropping the kids off on Mom’s doorstep isn’t the ideal solution either. Real parents make sacrifices but the long term rewards are immeasurable.
Darlene Zagata is a freelance writer and author of two books, “Aftertaste: A Collection of Poems” and “The Choosing.” She is also a monthly columnist and editor for the print publication Moon Shadows Magazine. Visit Darlene’s website at http://darlenezagata.tripod.com or contact Darlene at darzagata@yahoo.com
